what is it that every few months i am here again. its like a crazy cycle. Turns out mr.perfect was an ass hole. shocker right. But now im trying to live life for me. its so much harder than i thought it would be. my life is just like eat pray love but no happy ending yet.
so today i was with my sister and her boyfriend hanging out. I was trying to tell him funny happy things about my little sister. i found it odd how hard it was to think of happy memories. it took so long for me to think of something. Later today on our way home she said " you know its so hard to think of happy memories. i could think of a million bad memories" that thought is killing me. i have never tryed to think of happy memories from my childhood. and now that im trying to i cant. all i think of from my childhood is pain, heartbreak, and let down.
I so hate i had such a bad childhood and i wish i could let it go and move on and not let my issues come back to haunt me like i do. I think because i had such a shitty relationship with dad is why i dont trust me and i am constantly seeking approval of men. I cant be alone to save my life. i am doing an ok job right now. this most alone i have ever been.
im trying to go to school to get an education so i can start moving on with my life. we will see.
